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9 Pills ft. September Stories

from Light Hope by Esther Kinsaul

/

lyrics

v1: I threw my white lighter in the deep end
When i realized my hands were empty
I jumped in after if
Cut the apron strings
Or cut everything


c: I dont feel right taking 9 pills a day
I’m afraid my words and my depression have become cliche
I still dont feel like I’m mine
And I’m afraid that you were right


v2: I still havent found my bravery at the bottom of a pill bottle
And if I take too many then thats irresponsible
Swallow your pride
Swallow whats only at your bedside

B: You see I dont feel right and I havent really for the last 5 nights
Or felt much of anything for that matter
But after a fistfull of pills and an hour
The only part of me that I’ve loved feels displaced
Seems worn
I’ve worried if these days will ever return to the old
If I’ll ever be able to love what’s become of me and my ways
But these chemicals my brain has rearranged
Along with my process of thinking
I’ve discovered that I need to let myself enjoy more of life
And not shut myself off from it
I’ve spent enough days in solitary to know what it feels like to be alone
And maybe its just the pills talking
But it almost feels like home

c:I dont feel right taking 9 pills a day
I’m afraid my words and my depression have become cliche
I still dont feel like I’m mine
And I’m afraid that you were right

credits

from Light Hope, track released May 19, 2017
lyrics: Esther Kinsaul, Andrew Baughman
music: Esther Kinsaul

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Esther Kinsaul Minneapolis, Minnesota

death over apathy/

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