Get all 7 Esther Kinsaul releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Different Enough, Bishop EP, talk it out, Like February, muck and mire, Light Hope, and Pretty Words.
1. |
I dont Wanna be blue
01:20
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F G C
v1:
I’ll be a chemical whirlwind in homemade riot gear
I’ll wear a little eyeliner to make up for the last few
Sleepless years
I’ll take another coffee and a different 40 minute drive
But I dont wanna be blue
v2:
I’ll stay awake till 4am with someone else
I’ll make a cool hashtag on twitter and talk about mental health
I’ll fade out of existence when it’s my time
But its not my time to
But I dont wanna be blue
I dont wanna be blue
I dont wanna see you
I dont wanna be blue
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2. |
Yawns
02:35
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v: A#m Gm F C
c: F A A# C
v1: My yawns’ too big for my lungs
My heart’s too big for my ribcage
Thats why my songs are too deep
And why I pushed you away
c: But I, I will pour out
Until there’s absolutely nothing left
Cause I’m not graceful or pretty
But I deserve something else
v2: Your dreams are too big for sleeping
Your friends are too far away
I’m still stuck in Alabama and I cant say anything
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3. |
Colored over Skin
02:04
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Gm A# F
c: I’m not the only one in the room
With colored over skin
I know Youre coming soon
And I am bigger than my demons
v: My mother alway said that secrets dont make friends
But I know some people whos secrets have ended up killing them
So why youre over there with one shirt on top of the other
To smooth over the scars on your heart for some instagram likes
I’ll be over here with three on top of mine
And I’m convinced if you put us all in a soundproof room
You would still be able to hear the resounding shouts of
‘I’m fine’
I’m fine.
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4. |
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v1: I threw my white lighter in the deep end
When i realized my hands were empty
I jumped in after if
Cut the apron strings
Or cut everything
c: I dont feel right taking 9 pills a day
I’m afraid my words and my depression have become cliche
I still dont feel like I’m mine
And I’m afraid that you were right
v2: I still havent found my bravery at the bottom of a pill bottle
And if I take too many then thats irresponsible
Swallow your pride
Swallow whats only at your bedside
B: You see I dont feel right and I havent really for the last 5 nights
Or felt much of anything for that matter
But after a fistfull of pills and an hour
The only part of me that I’ve loved feels displaced
Seems worn
I’ve worried if these days will ever return to the old
If I’ll ever be able to love what’s become of me and my ways
But these chemicals my brain has rearranged
Along with my process of thinking
I’ve discovered that I need to let myself enjoy more of life
And not shut myself off from it
I’ve spent enough days in solitary to know what it feels like to be alone
And maybe its just the pills talking
But it almost feels like home
c:I dont feel right taking 9 pills a day
I’m afraid my words and my depression have become cliche
I still dont feel like I’m mine
And I’m afraid that you were right
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5. |
Kingdom come
03:06
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v: F A# F
c: Dm A# F C
v 1: Blessed are the weary
Shooting blanks with a cap gun
You’ll find peace eventually
Wont You hurry up with that kingdom come
Wont You hurry up with that kingdom come
v 2: Blessed are the desperate
Scraping from the bottom
Coping skills are wearing thin
Wont You hurry up with that kingdom come
Wont You hurry up with that kingdom come
v 3: Blessed are the trying
Staying up too late again
Getting home at 12 am
Wont You hurry up with that kingdom come
Wont You hurry up with that kingdom come
v 4: Blessed are the yearning
Wanting to want Him
Wishing wont stop a head shot
Wont You hurry up with that kingdom come
Wont You hurry up with that kingdom come
c: If it takes that much faith to get up in the morning
Then I’m pretty sure that I cant move no mountains
If you look me in the eye and ask how my heart is
I’d welcome the question
But I couldnt answer it
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6. |
Light Hope
01:12
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I have always been told that God is light
And God is hope
But some days I feel like I live in the corners
And am trying to physically drag in the shadows
And my brain tries to tell me that this division is something that i chose
‘Cause when your brain wages war with your heart and your mind
And your heart and your mind wage war with your brain
It makes about as much sense as that sentence I just said
And some uneducated person will look me up and down
Tell me I’m fine and I should just get over it
But there are days when the All-knowing, Ever-present
Creator of the Universe, the Lover of my soul,
Feels just too far away from me
And though that I know it is misplaced trust
I always look for a bit of consistency
I can always find caffeine
I can always find atleast one sharp thing
And it’ll freak my mom out to hear me talk like this
And I’m sorry but if we dont, if we keep it in
Some of us will end up dying in silence
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Esther Kinsaul Minneapolis, Minnesota
death over apathy/
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